“I Love You.”
Such easy words to say … sometimes. Many people seem to spew those words without much effort or care. And the recipients either accept or wonder if they’re sincere. I have a broad view of love. Maybe I’m easy, maybe I really do (try to) love everyone. I can say the words “Love you” to so many, and mean it. I really do. Except, it seems, to the one I actually “love” the most.
Love is difficult to define. To me, it is concern and outright compassion—actual care for what happens in a person’s life. A belief that others are just as good as me, and I would gladly give whatever is needed to help make their loads lighter. To be clear, my upbringing led me to believe that “love” had strings attached. Affection and care weren’t hidden, but there was always a “God” involved. Or (in my fragile child mind) that’s how it felt. All love came from Jesus, or some higher being than myself. I have worked hard to get past that, to love and respect people, individually. A love stemming from myself, and not dictated by others. And I truly do feel love to others, for who they are and what they can be. Not to mindlessly regurgitate the word “love” because that’s what “I’m supposed to do or say,” but because I care.
But when it comes to actually saying those words to that someone special, to someone who means the world to me, whom I wish to spend the rest of my life with, I falter. I fear it seems my words may be faked or forced. It makes me sound co-dependent. I don’t want those words, I Love You, to seem meaningless and trite and easily bandied about. I don’t want it to seem like I’m faking it, because those are the words one is supposed to say. I actually feel trepidation that saying these words will ruin something that is too perfect to be true. I feel I’m not worthy of the love.
So, as much as I don’t say it because of stupid fears or personal neurotic reasons, I Love You. You mean the world to me, and I hope to do all I can to care for you for the rest of our lives. I hope I can be what you need, along with what I need to be. Not to drag you down, but to lift you up—to be there for one another. You support me, you put up with me, you make me better. No matter what society says, no matter our trials, I love you. And I should say it more. I … love … you.